The Suspense is Killing TV

Dear Network Television,

We need to talk.

As you know, we’ve abandoned your commercials years ago. Now, we’re about to walk away from your shows.

Not because they are bad, but because we no longer have the patience to wait days, weeks or even months for closure.

Your cliffhangers have been gradually losing effectiveness since someone shot JR.

And don’t even get us started on sitcoms. Sitcoms are not meant to keep us in suspense. They are just supposed to satisfy our urge for half hour of mindless comedy.

We don’t have time to become emotionally invested in your neverending story lines. We’re too busy minding other people’s business on social media, reading fake news and binge watching to conclusion.

It shouldn’t take 9 years to find out how Daddy met Mommy, or 2 seasons to discover that Jack was murdered by a faulty, hand-me-down crockpot (eeew). And who accepts used kitchenware from strangers? It’s almost as bad as sharing bar soap in a public restroom.

If you can’t do better, please partner with those who can. Amazon, are you listening?

Sincerely,

A. Nielsen

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