I Found Out Why the Chicken Crossed the Road - (SPOILER ALERT: He was on his Way Home to Roost)

This past Spring I was on my, seemingly, daily run to the Post Office when I was impeded by a family of chickens crossing the road. Yes, I think I single-handedly kept the US Postal Services in business this past year, mailing out legal briefs.

Okay, to be perfectly clear, these chickens were more like geese, but po-tay-to po-tah-to.

So there I was waiting, for what felt like forever, for the damn chickens (geese) to cross the road. And I was growing impatient as the Post Office would be closing within the next 20 minutes.

But then I thought to myself, "hey, this might just be my one chance to find the answer to the age-old question, "why did the chicken (goose - whatever, poultry is poultry) cross the road?"

I opened up my window and shouted, "Excuse me, can you please tell me why you are crossing the road?"

One of the chickens (geese) was kind enough to elaborate.

"We are on our way home to roost. It is going to take quite a while to get there as we have no other choice but to walk. We have no thumbs, so we can't hitch a ride. Our feet don't reach the peddles so we can't drive. And public transportation has not been kind to us. We're forced to either ride in cargo or, worse, we end up being served on a platter for dinner. Hence, we have no choice but to walk. And we walk very, very, very, very, very slowly. Like karma, we are very methodical and we operate on our own timetable."

I wished them luck on their journey. Then my motherly instinct kicked in and I asked them to shoot me a post card to let me know when they have finally made it home.

Well, wouldn't you know it, I just received a lovely note from my chicken (geese) friends informing me that after a grueling 7 month-long expedition they'll finally be arriving home this week - in sub zero temperatures no less.

As they get ready to roost, I sense that a lot of chicken (geese) shit is about to hit the fan.

I think I'll just kickback with a bowl of popcorn.

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